i just finished reading the bluest eye.

it has been a really long time since i finished reading a book. it seems like i always pick long books so i can get to the last 40 pages and then stop putting it in my purse because the only time i ever really read is when i want to avoid making eyecontact with people. short books scare me. because i will finish them. i like having books but i don't like reading them because i don't want them to die.

i hate finishing books because eventually they end and even if the rest of the book was horrifyingly awful, it all comes together in the end, didactic and poignant, and you love it so much after hating it for so long

and then it stops forever. you could read it again but there's no point. it will just end again and the surprises won't be there, because now you know what to look for.

maybe i am just too dependent on the same things to always be there when i need them. i already know i'm stupid.

i hate expiration dates.
and jolly ranchers.